It's a doosie.

They say that the first step is the hardest, well i don't think that is always true, sometimes the first step is made out of necessity. Or because you just cant stand what you are doing anymore, where you are in your life, so you make a step, apply to college, change jobs, because you are so put out of being where you are in life you have to make a change- but it is not hard because you are tired, exhausted by the status quo. By the time you are finished the last few steps are a breeze, you are DONE! School, moving on to a new job, leaving something behind, having accomplished something makes your steps lighter. The steps that are hard to manage are the ones that come in between, the everyday steps that make up life. Those are the doosies. Those are the hardest. To make yourself do the things such as go to school faithfully to get your degree, to go to work, these steps are the hardest. Once I decide to do something, i mean REALLY do something, am no longer waffling on it, I have no trouble with the first step, it is the second third and fourth that start to cause me problems.

sad, angry, upset, a little down, pick one and roll with it.

So, yesterday I had a seizure aura and an anxiety attack. When I wasn't having problems from the seizure aura I was shivering from the panic and anxiety. Thought I was gonna throw up most of the day as both bring on the need to hurl. Well, today I am not feeling much better, but I have decided that I can not return to work next week. It is not something that can happen with my current mental state. I am just not ready. Mentally, or emotionally. The idea of it makes me panic. I don't know what I will do in the mean time. I just don't know what is going to happen but it doesn't look good.

Geek,Dork,Nerd Test.

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test ...
Tri-Lamb Material
57 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 52% Dork

NERD!!!!

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.You scored better than half in Nerd and Dork, earning you the coveted title of: Tri-Lamb Material.

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=9935030990046738815

Yoink!

X= Saw it.

+= Loved it.

P= Hated it.

1. Citizen Kane (1941) X
2. The Godfather (1972)
3. Casablanca (1942) X+
4. Raging Bull (1980)
5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) X
6. Gone with the Wind (1939)
7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
8. Schindler's List (1993)
9. Vertigo (1958)
10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) X
11. City Lights (1931)
12. The Searchers (1956)X+
13. Star Wars (1977) X+
14. Psycho (1960)
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
16. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
17. The Graduate (1967)
18. The General (1927)
19. On the Waterfront (1954)
20. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)X
21. Chinatown (1974)
22. Some Like It Hot (1959)X
23. The Grapes of Wrath (1940)X
24. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) XP
25. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) X
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
27. High Noon (1952)X
28. All About Eve (1950)
29. Double Indemnity (1944)
30. Apocalypse Now (1979)
31. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
32. The Godfather Part II (1974)
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) X
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) X
35. Annie Hall (1977)
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
37. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
39. Dr. Strangelove (1964)
40. The Sound of Music (1965) X
41. King Kong (1933)
42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)X
43. Midnight Cowboy (1969)
44. The Philadelphia Story (1940)X
45. Shane (1953)
46. It Happened One Night (1934)
47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)X
48. Rear Window (1954)
49. Intolerance (1916)
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) X+
51. West Side Story (1961) X
52. Taxi Driver (1976)
53. The Deer Hunter (1978)
54. M*a*s*h (1970)
55. North By Northwest (1959) X+
56. Jaws (1977)
57. Rocky (1976) X
58. The Gold Rush (1925)
59. Nashville (1975)
60. Duck Soup (1933)
61. Sullivan's Travels (1958)
62. American Graffiti (1973)
63. Cabaret (1972)
64. Network (1976)
65. The African Queen (1951)X
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) X+
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)X
68. Unforgiven (1992)X
69. Tootsie (1982)X
70. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
71. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) X+
73. Butch Caddidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)X+
74. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
75. In the Heat of the Night (1967)
76. Forrest Gump (1994) X
77. All the President's Men (1976)
78. Modern Times (1936)
79. The Wild Bunch (1969)
80. The Apartment (1960)X
81. Spartacus (1960)
82. Sunrise (1927)
83. Titanic (1997) X
84. Easy Rider (1969)
85. A Night at the Opera (1935)
86. Platoon (1986)
87. 12 Angry Men (1957)
88. Bringing Up Baby (1938) X+
89. The Sixth Sense (1999) X
90. Swing Time (1936)
91. Sophie's Choice (1982)
92. Goodfellas (1990)
93. The French Connection (1971)
94. Pulp Fiction (1994)
95. The Last Picture Show (1971)
96. Do the Right Thing (1989)
97. Blade Runner (1982) X
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
99. Toy Story (1995) X+
100. Ben-Hur (1959)

36 of them viewed so far. Not as bad as i thought. I italicized the ones that I feel a great need to see.

I used to be organized

So after school yesterday I went to target to pick up some pictures and to just walk around because that is what you do when you go to target. As I passed the aisle with the planners in it I thought I would give organizing myself another shot, half the time I don't even carry my calender let alone enough information to have in a planner, but really I kind of need to know three people's schedules now days not just my own (i also can no longer close my wallet I have so many things shoved into it, and the thing that holds all my paperwork[until I file it] is so overstuffed with stuff dating back to June of 08 that it is about to topple onto the floor). So, I entered and purchased this:

Well something that looks a lot like it, mine is much cuter, if I do say so myself, but it has a little buckley thing, and well you get the idea. So, I entered the info for the end of Feb, and all that march has to offer so far then I got a little overwhelmed and had to stop and watch some youtube.

I went in to work yesterday to see if I was scheduled to work next week as I had requested, and I was a little disappointed to see they had remembered to put me on the schedule. I asked Pat if she was sure I had a job to come back to, told her it was one worry that I just needed to cross off my list, and she assured me that I did. So, as of next week I am back at work, I was thinking of taking a summer class, but came to the slow realization that I cannot do this- this juggling act that I do all year long, without a break, and without losing my mind. Summers are like a slow release of my tensions that build up over the school year- between school, homework, work, personal issues, parents, and my health. The summer is a chance to shrug off one of those burdens without guilt or repercussions. The only result will be one more fall semester of school, not happy about that, not happy at all, but many other things such as sanity and my overall health have to come in to the decision making process right along with my burning desire to finish.

Surprise.

After some planning, (mostly by, not gonna lie, dawn's mom Linda and Dawn's hubby nick) we were able to pull off a surprise party last night for dawn at Granite City. She was a little surprised at first.

This picture was taken right before she started backing out of the room... for a second her mom and I both thought she was going to go home!Dawn saw this long table completely filled with people she was not expecting (hence surprise).

But she stayed and got presents! We all had dinner (the left-overs of which I will be eating for breakfast), and then headed back to dawn and nick's party room to play games and have some delicious apple crisp that Linda had made.

The birthday girl with what was left of her 30 balloons after Linda gave some away to the little kids at the restaurant who were envious:)

Cupcake Racists!

So I called yesterday to order some cupcakes for a wedding shower/engagement party/housewarming party that we are throwing next weekend right? Right. So, the bakery lady from Festival foods was very helpful and nice, but informed me that they only make white cake cupcakes and chocolate(brown) cake cupcakes. What? Why?

How come they don't make marble cupcakes? Or yellow cake cupcakes, I love yellow cake, but you order cupcakes and they make chocolate and white? Cupcake racists! That's what we have here. Why cant all the cupcake colors just get along and all be allowed in the bakery to play and frolic together in frosting and sprinkle covered bliss.

I mean I can understand the logistical reason for not making marble-too time consuming. But yellow! That is the best cake on earth, why discriminate? If I want a yellow cupcake and am too much of a lazy putz to make it myself I should be able to waltz into a bakery and yoink me some yellow, black, or white cupcakes-whatever I am feelin that day. But no the Cupcake Racists have limited our choices, have chosen for us, have taken the yellow and marble cupcakes away and placed them somewhere never to be heard from again! Why cant all the cupcakes be allowed in the bakery case together, as equals I ask you, to be admired and be eaten together?!

nom nom nom!

All brokey?

So, i realized what with returning to work soon, I would have to buy a new car in the next WEEK! Mostly because I was ignoring the fact that my old car needed to be fixed. It has been sitting in the parking lot for about a month, with various things wrong with it at various times until I got so pissed at it I finally parked it, got out and yelled "fine" and walked away with my hands thrown up in the air. So it had been there ever since, and anytime someone asked me what was wrong with my car, i would say "I don't know", give them it's symptoms, or just get really cranky...piece of shit car.
Well this week when I realized I would have to get a new car soon my mom got on my case about fixing the old one...grrrr. I didn't care anymore. I live in the FUTURE!! (yeah right). In reality, i am just so over dealing with certain parts of reality. That is what I think the problem was. So, my mom decided that this day, as I was so over whelmed by everything, she and my aunt would do some of my errands instead of the usual of me doing hers. So she went down and (we have a auto garage RIGHT IN OUR FREAKIN PARKING LOT, which shows you how much i really didn't care about fixing my car) gave them my keys, and asked them to look over my car.
Dave the car mechanic called, I have a leak in my power steering fluid pump. Makes driving more difficult, and pretty lights flash on your dashboard. So, he was a tad worried because he couldn't get the part until the next day...I laughed hysterically and told poor Dave the car mechanic, who thinks I am a loony, that the dumb car has been sitting broken in the parking lot for a month, one more day will not hurt anyone. Dave the car mechanic was relieved. I could tell. I have to "pick up" (move my car from one parking space to another, and pay for) my car later today. So excited.

The places where I used to live.

I have grown up in many different homes, I call them homes because that is what they felt like. The boxes were not always unpacked before we moved again. We may never have fully settled in, but that is not what made it a home. I have had two places that i truly put down roots, that we stayed long enough in my childhood that I became attached to the actual places if not the people. This is one of them in picture, because I love me some pictures. This was the view of Lake Superior from our front yard.

This was the beach right in front of our house, if the photographer turned 45 degrees they would be looking right at our house not 25 yards away.

Sunset again in front of the house. That is the point that me and my brother and our friends defied death and parents by climbing around.

Some of you may remember the blog I wrote on multiply about my parents, and berry picking with my mother. The location of the blackberry patch has always haunted me with its beauty. I found a picture for you, the sugar maple tree in fall, the lake off in the far distance, and right underneath the maple was the blackberries. It felt like you were the only people in the world. This place haunts me to this day. Even without this picture I can still see it clearly in my mind.

http://joiefo.multiply.com/journal/item/70/Remember_When

Thoughts-warning some are downers.

1. If you are feeling down or cranky drawing pictures on your MagnaDoolde of your friends doing something they enjoy will make you giggle and lift your spirits.(I took pictures of the finished products, might show you one day)
2. Do not use your MagnaDoodle too close to your computer, these two activities do not mix well.
3. I had a dream last night, and you were there, and you were there, and you were...all of my friends were in it in one manifestation or another...I know this dream means something is bugging me, stupid subconscious.
4. I keep trying to get up the wherewithal to delete my facebook account, it is why I haven't posted any status updates the last few days. I pretty much just use it to stalk my real friends.
5. I am almost done with school and my desire to quit has never been stronger.
6. I think they should stop selling spongebob and dora toys and bring back rainbow bright and smurf figurines in target stores. i don't know about you but I would buy them for all of my friends.
7. Actually buying something from Amazon.com scares me. Same with Ebay.
8. I can only think of one thing to actually ask for for my birthday. The only other thing I would never actually get and is kinda weird and embarrassing to ask for. (plus it makes me cry so there.)

Those are just some of the thought i have in my crazy brain this morning, some weird, some strange, some grounded in fact, some I know are groundless and just how I feel.

Wish Lists

I went on to Amazon.com and was looking for something in particular...something that I cant get from BN, or Best Buy...something that is considered "out of print" but they have it at Amazon.com! So, while I was on there I created a private wish list. It was fun, like shopping but without having to spend the money, knowing that someday you were going to get these things! I didn't create a public one because it felt weird, I don't know why, but like I was asking people to buy me those things. I have not ruled out the idea of making a public list(I almost did in fact). There is nothing on there I am ashamed of, but some of the things I would never expect my friends to buy me, like the Doctor who series, they are super spendy. But making a wish list was fun, I was kinda sad when I couldn't think of other things to add...

Happy Birthday Week!

My very best friend Dawn's Birthday is this week, I never thought I would meet someone who enjoys their birthday as much as I enjoy mine:) One more reason we are Best friends! Almost all week people have made plans to do something with her, hence the birthday week, because people lubs her. But I thought I would take today and wish Dawn a happy birthday week.

So happy birthday, to someone who has always been there for me and my family, and I know will always be there, no matter what. To someone who is funny, generous, smart, organized, creative, and so much more to me. I hope you have a great Birthday week Dawn, you deserve it!

Love YOU!

Not much doin.

So when I woke up this morning I was at once bummed and anxious because i thought it was Monday, and that I had school and all these things to do before company would be coming (on Tuesday). Well after I got up I realized it was in fact Sunday. Whew. Since then I have done nothing that really needs to be done. Loser. I have bummed around, worked on my mixed CD, moved things from one side of my room to the other, ignored my paper some more, move things back to the other side of my room, listen to the beginning of my mixed CD about 10 times (not kidding), cut up some paper, wrote a thank you note, and moved stuff back to the other side of my room again. It has been really productive. I have a HUGE list of things that need to be done in the house before company comes. I have done maybe three things on it. The parents cant do any of it. Dad can barely make coffee for himself. The list, once actually started would not take me too long, but I have no gumption to actually start it...sigh. Merry Maids anyone:)
So instead I have decided to brainstorm some hobbies I could maybe be interested pursuing.
I have always wanted to learn to play Guitar, my dad already has one, and I know he would let me borrow it. Does kickboxing count as a hobby?? Um, what else, I could enjoy making cards but I don't have a lot of room to keep everything and get sick of taking everything out, putting it away, taking it out, you get the idea. My problem with some of the hobbies I know of from working in a craft store is that I think they are sissified, like soapmaking. Maybe I could do something like calligraphy...I could definitely do photography I already have an awesome SLR camera and a pink digital at my disposal. Hm, maybe I will start with some of those and see if anything takes hold.
Okay, off to look at the list again, and move things from one side of my room to the other.

Well I went ahead and did some of the larger chores on the list and now I feel sick to my stomach, I think we can all learn something from this, hmm?

Things to do before...well someday.

I have recently agreed to make a sort of Bucket list. A list of what I want to achieve in the next few years, things that I can be held accountable for. Things that when prodded to do, I can maybe whine about but not too loudly as they were my idea to begin with, my dreams, aspirations, or just wild hairs. So, that got me thinking about stuff that I really can conceivably achieve, or want to achieve in the next two years (that is the time limit). Then I got nervous. Accountability is a bitch. I hate it. Short term I am not too bad with. "Next Saturday, sure I can do such and such by next Saturday"....by the year 2011, not so much. Give me too much time and I will get side tracked, distracted, I am not exactly a procrastinator, but I will find the most winding road to my goal and take it.

So what do I want to achieve in the next two years of my life. What would I like to see happen before I turn 30. (is that right dawn? will that be my age in 2 years? whatever:) )



1. Graduate college- at this point I am so sick of going I could care less what degree I get, just so long as I graduate...I need to look into some different schools, and some bachelor degree completion programs. (I have just looked online to see how close I am to actually graduating, and after this semester i will need 20 credits [8 credits a semester] so a little over a year, and I only need 4 courses if I want to complete an English Major including my capstone which is like a mini dissertation.)

2. Get a different Job. I am sick of the one I have, but thankful for it at the same time. The managers at work have been really great so far about my situation, and really, i get the hours I need to attend school, plus health benefits. So, if I still have a job in March, I just need to remind myself to be thankful and continue to work towards my education, and work on my resume.

3. Move out. This is not a possible reality right now, but two years is a long time.

4. Take a trip out to Colorado again. This is probably one of my favorite places, and I would love to go back.

5. Buy a new car. This will hopefully happen soon.

6. Loose more weight. Refer here if you missed the earlier blog. http://unaccustomedtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/losing-yourself.html

7. Spend more time becoming happy with myself, this sounds stupid- like I got it out of the self help section, but at the beginning of last year, I was finally starting to like myself for the first time and I have started to lose that again...I need to try to find it again.

8. Start a savings account. I know, I know.

9. Discover a hobby that I really enjoy.

10. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

11. some assorted fun things that i don't want to quite commit to just yet....



I am sure there are more but for now that is all I can think of...

On my way to the gym today...

I was driving down the road with the music turned up kinda loud when I looked down and noticed a "warning" light flashing on the dash. A FLASHING light cant be good, let alone one that I had never noticed before, and I have seen my share of warning lights...Not good. So, i looked a little closer wondering to myself who in their right minds makes a green warning light, green means, good, go, happy, summer. What the HELL. What kind of warning light has an ARROW on...Oh...hee hee...that would be my blinker. Ha, ahem. *blush*.

Yes, that's right. My blinker.

In my defense I was driving my parents car and their blinker light is way different from kermit's.

What was i thinking?

So, this semester i signed up for an Anthropology of Linguistics class. I don't know what I was thinking, or why I would think this, but I assumed the homework would be written in the English language. Silly me. It is in almost every other language you can think of except English. Some of the languages I have never even heard of...Rarotongan, which as it turned out is a version of the Maori language. However, it is a little challenging to try to classify sounds from a language you don't know, and have never EVEN HEARD! I don't know exactly what this teacher is expecting, but when i am supposed to classify two different columns of words according to their Allophones, and the words are in Swahili, i am a bit stymied. Maybe that's just me. I don't know.
I am supposed to complete an online quiz this weekend, but it has yet to be uploaded to the website,so I know I am going to be working on that until the last moment to get it all done. Online quizzes are notorious for taking forever, they are actually more like the worst possible take home essay test you can imagine, and because it is all done on the Internet you can basically just work one question at a time. I have most of my other reading for the week done. Yea me! It feels weird, so I will move on to working on my paper and haunt the D2L website today for my quiz to pop up. That should fill a good majority of my weekend.

Just to say...

This is one of my MagnaDoodles.

It wanted to say "hi" :)

I was bored, and I have a cool pink camera so shut it.

My exciting (not) travels to school and back. (In pictorial!)

I left for school at noon! Oooooo! takes about an hour to get there in good weather, let alone sloppy so I was taking a chance.

Right out of chaska I got stuck behind a truck from a Mushroom farm, don't see one of those everyday. I thought of you dawn:)

Popped in my newest mixed tape from Scott. Hadn't listened to it yet, so far so good. This is my advertisement for Honda, maybe they will give me a free car.

I stopped on the way to get some lunch, got me some panera (sp?). You cant see the cookie pictured here because I had eated it. So at this point I was kinda pushing it as to whether or not I was going to make campus on time...

I knew you were all worried, holding your breath and all, but I made it. With about 7 minutes to spare. I am sitting at a stoplight here. (no unnecessary risks were taken in the capturing of these images).

Then I had to park and walk in quick like as not to be late to only my third class, not a good thing really, plus when you are late all the "cool" seats are taken and you end up sitting next to the mouth breathers.

About 3/4 of the way through our class my teacher was going to show a movie and he hit the button to start the movie and the lights went out...on half of campus. This is what our room looked like. We were in the basement, no window, no emergency lights in our room. We had to pack up our stuff by cell phone light. ( in the interest of full disclosure, i didn't take a picture of THE DARKNESS, I forgot, and took a picture of my black pants just to give you guys the idea)

So, I got out of class a little early.

And headed out.

Exciting. I know, I know.

You are probably thinking, wow she had all that extra time, she probably got some of that homework she is always bitching about done. Nope. I am sorry to say I did not.

Dad comes home.

So tomorrow my dad is coming home, and to be honest, last week I was freaking out about it. I was not ready for him to come home. All the adjustment it would take, all the different conflicts, issues that were going to arise. My mind boggles a little just thinking about it. However, I have gone into denial. Just another stage they tell me of dealing with what is happening with him. But, let me tell you, it is much easier than the last stage when I thought I was going to lose my mind. My mind is still not all there, things still slip through the cracks, I am not as organized, homework is not getting done as it should, I let things go to the last minute...but this denial thing, I don't know if I want to know what is on the other side.

Technical Wizard.

I thought, for the past two months that stupid facebook had been forwarding all the emails it sends me to two email addresses. The one I had originally used to set up my account and the one I had recently changed it to, and put my account information under. So, I was all pissed and couldn't figure out how to change this because my account listings would only list the one email address...Well I figured out today, that no it was not facebook's fault, but the fault of the incredibly inept person (me) who set up their new email account to forward (for absolutely no reason) all of their email from one account to another. This would then, for the most part, duplicate all the email I received. Yea ME! I managed to fix it with the minimal amount of name calling and humiliation. Now however, I have another problem that also makes me sad (as in a nerd). I like to check my email on my phone, makes me happy when the numbers pop up showing that I have email! Yea! Someone likes me, someone emailed me! But now, I don't get as much, in fact I get half as much:( I am just never happy.

I can see.

So, I went to the eye doctor yesterday, to find out how much worse my eyes had gotten and if he could do anything to help my night vision. Etc. Well I found out why i have such horrible vision, and why it has gotten worse...
I have football shaped eyes. (not kidding)
I am light skinned. (duh)
and last but not least...because I am a woman. (apparently in the eye world this is a problem).

Women, especially women with lighter skin, have larger pupils this means that they have more problems seeing at night. Well, at least it's not all in my head...hee hee hee.
The Football thing I have no real explanation for. I could be just a freak of nature. The Doctor said they have gotten more footbally over the last year...I'm sorry, but am I the only one that imagined my eyes shrinking into small little football shapes until they fell out!

As I Sit Here.-update

I should be working on my homework, -did some but not all of it. have some paperage to write.
I should be cleaning the house, -did a little cleaning, some parts of the house look clean, just don't go in THOSE ROOMS!
I should be getting ready for my eye doctor appointment, -I got ready and went, but was 10 minutes late, whoops. The doctor's office was only 5 minutes away...
I should be planning a grocery list, -the only thing I can think that I need is a pizza. list making is not going so well...
I should be calling Jaci to see if she will help me with a school project, -called, got no response-Vy helped me out. Thanks Vy, sorry I forgot you were from a different country.
I should be planning menus for when my aunts are here,
I should be making appointments to get the car fixed,
I should be doing my laundry,
I should be making plans to go see my dad today, -I sent my brother.
I should be calling to check on my computer, -Geeks called I have to go pick it up.
I should be starting my paper.
I should be doing my taxes, -I thought about it again...does that count.
I should be doing all or any number of these things. Instead my brain shuts down and all I can think to do is easy stuff, read, blog, surf the Internet...and then the day is gone and it is midnight again on the day before my class and i have all this stuff to do and a boat load of anxiety to go with it. Whose idea was it to take a Monday afternoon class anyway? Little bastard sneaks up on me every time!

Unreal Expectations

Before I start ranting I will just post a warning for all of my readers (all 3 of you)...
-This does not apply to anyone who reads this blog, it is about a fu*&head that I know in a specific area of my life and this really shouldn't bother me this much but it DOES!-
Okay, so I really hate it when, you are going along in life and you meet some people who you are pretty sure are one way, they have given you every indication, repeatedly that they are thoughtful, caring individuals. Then BAM, they do something to undermine this. They shake the foundation of what you have based your inner character analysis on, now you have to take a step back and reassess this person, decide whether or not to deal with them in any area of your life again. Are they worth your time? Your effort? You proceed. There must have been some speck of something to make you move forward with them in the first place, something to attract you to their personality, they are witty, and funny, but still you inner self is saying they were such a JACK@** last time we let them in. Yet, still you give them another chance, because you (me) are stupid and trusting that way, but everything is fine, for a while. Then the other shoe drops. They have a lack of understanding that seems to exceed human nature? How is this possible? Were they raised by wild animals? Why cant I learn to cut my losses and just leave the first time someone disappoints me like this? I sit here trying to unfriend them on facebook (I know right, OOOooo that will show them) and I cant DO IT! I mean what if all this anger is all in my head and we are all okay next time we see each other and I have unfriended him...Boy do I need therapy.

HALT-and failing quite miserably.

My mother has hung signs around the ENTIRE apartment that say HALT. They actually say "don't get too.. Hungy,Angry,Lonley,Tired.
Well my mother is not doing so bad, she eats on time, and enough, I don't think she is lonely, anger is not her problem right now. She gets tired from time to time but knows enough to lay down. Me on the other hand. I need a keeper. I forget to eat, take my pills. I go from needing people around me to wanting no one around me, and I am kinda angry. Oh, and if you ask me when I am home if I am tired the answer is no, but when I have to do something, go out in the world, that is all it takes, and I am exhausted. Just the weight of having to go out and function with the stress and grief wears me out. I need a beeper to go off reminding me to eat, take my pills and sleep before midnight. I need to learn to HALT.

And the talent portion of our competition.

I have realized lately that, and don't get me wrong i am not dumping on myself, but i really do not have a great talent in any one area. I have not focused my interest anywhere long enough to gain any great amount of knowledge of any one topic. I dabble into topics and areas then i gather bits and pieces of information and move on.
Jack of all trades, master of none, that's me.
I just asked my mother if she could think of anything I was talented at and her answer was:
"Um..........(huge freakin pause, I could have fit an airplane in this pause).......... you're organized."
Okay, I can work with that, I guess some people don't have that in their repertoire. I can use that as something i am especially good at. I do like to make lists. Tell my family what to do. I guess it can be a useful talent, unlike origami, or snowman building. Maybe I should take up origami?

The Great Wall

Well folks, it has happened. I have run out of ideas of things to blog about. It didn't take long. My life is not too exciting right now. I don't do much. Don't see to many different things. I have hit the blogging wall. We will see if we can get past this snag in the week to come, but right now, I don't know.