The answer is NO!

I have never been really good at saying no to people, not on really big things. On things like- do you want to eat dinner at a sucky restaurant, no, do you want to go somewhere you don't feel like going,no, do you want to work tomorrow, no. These situations I can say no to. However situations like "we thought we would do [...blank...] instead of our original plan (which would include you doing something that would push you so far outside your comfort zone your insides shrivel up). Is that okay with you?" or Can you do this (huge gargantuan size) favor for me (though you feel uncomfortable doing it)? . Where are my No's then? They have completely abandoned me because i don't want to hurt the people asking me, I feel I SHOULD be able to do some of the things I am being asked, and then I get mad at myself for agreeing, get extremely uncomfortable, upset, angry, and mad for not just being able to say no.

Have I tried to say no in the past? Yes, but as someone who has a need to be liked and have people "not be mad at her",i guess people feel/know that I will back down, because I almost always have in the past. Remember the 3 weddings in one summer anyone? I said no, I cant afford another wedding, but there I was in another wedding paying for alterations, shoes, etc. Granted i didn't have to pay for the dress but still, I had 2 other wedding that summer alone, if I didn't have finance options for those weddings there was no way I could have paid for the alterations to the dress for the last wedding. But, I couldn't say no. When I tried the bride got around me and I agreed.

When i do say no, I feel the need to offer an excuse, why? Who cares why i don't want to do something, why i cant do something. Saying no should be enough some times. I have gotten better, but the big things, the big favors are the ones I still have trouble saying no to. They are the ones that cause me the most grief.

This is how I feel sometimes-



"NO is a very simple word. One syllable. Two letters. A complete sentence. NO is one of the shortest words in the English language, yet one of the most difficult for women to say. We hear "NO!" in our heads while our mouths are saying "YES," "Sure," "I'd be glad to," "Of course I will," or "I wouldn't miss it for the world!" It's often easier to agree than to just say NO.
Saying NO for women can be a genuine struggle because of our deeply rooted need for connection. To be considerate without jeopardizing our well-being or livelihood, and assertive without losing the relationships we value -- these are two of life's most compelling challenges. Sometimes, out of a desire to be helpful or charitable, we choose to say YES even when it's difficult. At other times, we discover that we're too concerned about being liked, loved, or respected to be able to say NO. If we muster the courage to speak up, we tend to be cautious: "my answer is NO...if that's okay with you."

-My Answer is No...If That's Okay With You by Nanette Gartrell MD