The Strange Scars of Childhood

You ever have memories from childhood that aren't really bad, you just got mentally scarred by them anyway? Well when i was about 6 or 7 years old I went to stay with my Grannie Annie. She lived up north in Mn, and lived out in the woods. Everyday we would take a looonnng walk down to the main road to get her mail from their mail box, and every day we would pass one of these off to the side of the road up on some saw horses:

Well, for you city folk, this is a salt lick. They were using it on the side of the road to attract and keep deer in the area.

Animals will lick the block of salt (get it, salt lick) which gives them several nutrients. Usually animals find these deposits naturally but people put out these salt licks to attract deer for viewing, photography or hunting purposes. Well after walking past it for several days, learning what it was, I wanted to know what it tasted like. So my grandmother told her trusting, loving 6 year old granddaughter to go lick it! Go ahead and lick where who knows what kind of wild beasts have been putting their mouths! And I DID! BLECH, PETOOOEEEE! EWWWWW!!! I still get the shivers when I think about it! All my mom has to say is "and what did it taste like?" IT TASTED LIKE SALT! WHAT THE #%&9#%@ DO YOU THINK IT TASTED LIKE? Couldn't Grannie just have told me that?! Man o Man!

Bunches o Blogs

These last few blogs were written months ago and were sitting as drafts so i thought they deserved to see the light of day:)

The answer is NO!

I have never been really good at saying no to people, not on really big things. On things like- do you want to eat dinner at a sucky restaurant, no, do you want to go somewhere you don't feel like going,no, do you want to work tomorrow, no. These situations I can say no to. However situations like "we thought we would do [...blank...] instead of our original plan (which would include you doing something that would push you so far outside your comfort zone your insides shrivel up). Is that okay with you?" or Can you do this (huge gargantuan size) favor for me (though you feel uncomfortable doing it)? . Where are my No's then? They have completely abandoned me because i don't want to hurt the people asking me, I feel I SHOULD be able to do some of the things I am being asked, and then I get mad at myself for agreeing, get extremely uncomfortable, upset, angry, and mad for not just being able to say no.

Have I tried to say no in the past? Yes, but as someone who has a need to be liked and have people "not be mad at her",i guess people feel/know that I will back down, because I almost always have in the past. Remember the 3 weddings in one summer anyone? I said no, I cant afford another wedding, but there I was in another wedding paying for alterations, shoes, etc. Granted i didn't have to pay for the dress but still, I had 2 other wedding that summer alone, if I didn't have finance options for those weddings there was no way I could have paid for the alterations to the dress for the last wedding. But, I couldn't say no. When I tried the bride got around me and I agreed.

When i do say no, I feel the need to offer an excuse, why? Who cares why i don't want to do something, why i cant do something. Saying no should be enough some times. I have gotten better, but the big things, the big favors are the ones I still have trouble saying no to. They are the ones that cause me the most grief.

This is how I feel sometimes-



"NO is a very simple word. One syllable. Two letters. A complete sentence. NO is one of the shortest words in the English language, yet one of the most difficult for women to say. We hear "NO!" in our heads while our mouths are saying "YES," "Sure," "I'd be glad to," "Of course I will," or "I wouldn't miss it for the world!" It's often easier to agree than to just say NO.
Saying NO for women can be a genuine struggle because of our deeply rooted need for connection. To be considerate without jeopardizing our well-being or livelihood, and assertive without losing the relationships we value -- these are two of life's most compelling challenges. Sometimes, out of a desire to be helpful or charitable, we choose to say YES even when it's difficult. At other times, we discover that we're too concerned about being liked, loved, or respected to be able to say NO. If we muster the courage to speak up, we tend to be cautious: "my answer is NO...if that's okay with you."

-My Answer is No...If That's Okay With You by Nanette Gartrell MD

Random Thoughts That I Have Thought In The Past Week.

-Half of the time my phone rings it’s not even for me. It’s no wonder I don’t like answering the thing when I hear it ring. It’s depressing.
-I want mountain climbing boots.
-I wonder how many people have died in this building.
-It really bothers me that people can hear other people pee through bathroom doors.
-Whenever someone colors their hair drastically darker I usually think they look more evil the first few times I see them.
-Anyone who honks at me is mean.
-I don’t like crunchy cookies, they break apart and I lose too much cookie in the crumbs.
-I wonder if the inside of my eyeball looks the same as the inside of a fish’s eyeball. Ya know, only bigger.
-Why when I am trying to make a good impression on people do I worry about if there are holes in my socks when the people will never know one way or another?
-I have always thought that my stuffed animals were watching me. I pretend I grew out of it but sometimes…
-I think that a lot of the women who read romance novels are silly, silly creatures (even though it makes up a majority of my library).
-Why do customers ask me a question about the location of a section when I am sitting on the ground and then act shocked and surprised when I have to get up to show them where it is?
-When did 18 become so young?
-When did 30 become so young?
-How come the wind turbine NEVER spins?
-Can you always tell when you have killed a small animal with your car? Like a squirrel, or a raccoon because I would like to know when I did, so I can feel sorry about it.
-Why were the kick balls in gym always red?
-I like buying containers more than I like buying the things to put in the containers.
-I just realized I never actually beat a video game until I was 28.
- I think I sneeze every morning in the winter after waking up and before getting out of bed.

Why I appear

I took a personality test the other day and it was pretty spot on. When it came to how I understand the world around me, how i focus on concepts and stories around me.
 The results said-
You are clearly an iNtuitive


People who are clearly iNtuitives are so focused on the "big picture" that they often overlook the details. Because of this, some people may see them as absent-minded. But don't be fooled: these iNtuitives quickly notice underlying patterns, hidden relationships and ironies that others miss. They enjoy considering the ways people or ideas are connected and are constantly thinking about the future, particularly how to change it.

This is more and more like me as I get older. While i do like to focus on details when I am working on a project, or planning something, I have more and more problems remembering small details like times that movies start, addresses, names, assignments, dates, and things i am supposed to do. This tends to make me look more and more absent minded. At times however I am so busy focusing on what is going to happen at the end of the day or even the week and planning for that that I forget what I am doing until that point.

A Tale of Two Cities

When I was in my Freshman year of College I took a course that I thought would be, well, easy. It was Minnesota History. I thought that I had to know at least some of what they were going to tell me! What I was fascinated to learn however, was the history that had surrounded me my entire life, and that I had failed to appreciate or seek out. About midway threw the semester we came in to class one day and were told we were going to watch a movie about the history of Minneapolis and St. Paul. I have never been able to shake the images of this movie from my mind. The beauty that these two cities possessed at one time was magnificent! They were show pieces in their own rights. This movie is called "The Lost Twin Cities" it's story is also available in book form written by Larry Millet. Both tell the story of how

many of the memorable buildings in Minneapolis and St. Paul have been lost to the wrecker's ball. Millett's carefully researched book is a valiant effort to reconstruct, in words and illustrations, this rich architectural legacy. The author ( The Curve of the Arch , Minnesota Historical Society, 1985) presents an impressive sampling of the vanished buildings of the Twin Cities, tracing their history and including information on who the owners and architects were, how these structures were used, why they were torn down, and what occupies each site today. Lost Twin Cities makes us mourn for the richness that has been lost but also makes us appreciate how much has survived. Highly recommended for anyone interested in urban history.-- H. Ward Jandl, National Park Svce., Washington, D.C.

Here is just a sample of some of the buildings of the time.



It has been years since I have seen this video, but the images of the buildings, the architecture, and the history that was wiped away to make room for modernism still sticks with me making, me wish someone had realized that each building was a monument to what this state, and its people had worked for, and these buildings were a part of the states history.