It's a doosie.

They say that the first step is the hardest, well i don't think that is always true, sometimes the first step is made out of necessity. Or because you just cant stand what you are doing anymore, where you are in your life, so you make a step, apply to college, change jobs, because you are so put out of being where you are in life you have to make a change- but it is not hard because you are tired, exhausted by the status quo. By the time you are finished the last few steps are a breeze, you are DONE! School, moving on to a new job, leaving something behind, having accomplished something makes your steps lighter. The steps that are hard to manage are the ones that come in between, the everyday steps that make up life. Those are the doosies. Those are the hardest. To make yourself do the things such as go to school faithfully to get your degree, to go to work, these steps are the hardest. Once I decide to do something, i mean REALLY do something, am no longer waffling on it, I have no trouble with the first step, it is the second third and fourth that start to cause me problems.

sad, angry, upset, a little down, pick one and roll with it.

So, yesterday I had a seizure aura and an anxiety attack. When I wasn't having problems from the seizure aura I was shivering from the panic and anxiety. Thought I was gonna throw up most of the day as both bring on the need to hurl. Well, today I am not feeling much better, but I have decided that I can not return to work next week. It is not something that can happen with my current mental state. I am just not ready. Mentally, or emotionally. The idea of it makes me panic. I don't know what I will do in the mean time. I just don't know what is going to happen but it doesn't look good.

Geek,Dork,Nerd Test.

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test ...
Tri-Lamb Material
57 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 52% Dork

NERD!!!!

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.You scored better than half in Nerd and Dork, earning you the coveted title of: Tri-Lamb Material.

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=9935030990046738815

Yoink!

X= Saw it.

+= Loved it.

P= Hated it.

1. Citizen Kane (1941) X
2. The Godfather (1972)
3. Casablanca (1942) X+
4. Raging Bull (1980)
5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) X
6. Gone with the Wind (1939)
7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
8. Schindler's List (1993)
9. Vertigo (1958)
10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) X
11. City Lights (1931)
12. The Searchers (1956)X+
13. Star Wars (1977) X+
14. Psycho (1960)
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
16. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
17. The Graduate (1967)
18. The General (1927)
19. On the Waterfront (1954)
20. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)X
21. Chinatown (1974)
22. Some Like It Hot (1959)X
23. The Grapes of Wrath (1940)X
24. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) XP
25. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) X
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
27. High Noon (1952)X
28. All About Eve (1950)
29. Double Indemnity (1944)
30. Apocalypse Now (1979)
31. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
32. The Godfather Part II (1974)
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) X
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) X
35. Annie Hall (1977)
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
37. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
39. Dr. Strangelove (1964)
40. The Sound of Music (1965) X
41. King Kong (1933)
42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)X
43. Midnight Cowboy (1969)
44. The Philadelphia Story (1940)X
45. Shane (1953)
46. It Happened One Night (1934)
47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)X
48. Rear Window (1954)
49. Intolerance (1916)
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) X+
51. West Side Story (1961) X
52. Taxi Driver (1976)
53. The Deer Hunter (1978)
54. M*a*s*h (1970)
55. North By Northwest (1959) X+
56. Jaws (1977)
57. Rocky (1976) X
58. The Gold Rush (1925)
59. Nashville (1975)
60. Duck Soup (1933)
61. Sullivan's Travels (1958)
62. American Graffiti (1973)
63. Cabaret (1972)
64. Network (1976)
65. The African Queen (1951)X
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) X+
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)X
68. Unforgiven (1992)X
69. Tootsie (1982)X
70. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
71. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) X+
73. Butch Caddidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)X+
74. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
75. In the Heat of the Night (1967)
76. Forrest Gump (1994) X
77. All the President's Men (1976)
78. Modern Times (1936)
79. The Wild Bunch (1969)
80. The Apartment (1960)X
81. Spartacus (1960)
82. Sunrise (1927)
83. Titanic (1997) X
84. Easy Rider (1969)
85. A Night at the Opera (1935)
86. Platoon (1986)
87. 12 Angry Men (1957)
88. Bringing Up Baby (1938) X+
89. The Sixth Sense (1999) X
90. Swing Time (1936)
91. Sophie's Choice (1982)
92. Goodfellas (1990)
93. The French Connection (1971)
94. Pulp Fiction (1994)
95. The Last Picture Show (1971)
96. Do the Right Thing (1989)
97. Blade Runner (1982) X
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
99. Toy Story (1995) X+
100. Ben-Hur (1959)

36 of them viewed so far. Not as bad as i thought. I italicized the ones that I feel a great need to see.

I used to be organized

So after school yesterday I went to target to pick up some pictures and to just walk around because that is what you do when you go to target. As I passed the aisle with the planners in it I thought I would give organizing myself another shot, half the time I don't even carry my calender let alone enough information to have in a planner, but really I kind of need to know three people's schedules now days not just my own (i also can no longer close my wallet I have so many things shoved into it, and the thing that holds all my paperwork[until I file it] is so overstuffed with stuff dating back to June of 08 that it is about to topple onto the floor). So, I entered and purchased this:

Well something that looks a lot like it, mine is much cuter, if I do say so myself, but it has a little buckley thing, and well you get the idea. So, I entered the info for the end of Feb, and all that march has to offer so far then I got a little overwhelmed and had to stop and watch some youtube.

I went in to work yesterday to see if I was scheduled to work next week as I had requested, and I was a little disappointed to see they had remembered to put me on the schedule. I asked Pat if she was sure I had a job to come back to, told her it was one worry that I just needed to cross off my list, and she assured me that I did. So, as of next week I am back at work, I was thinking of taking a summer class, but came to the slow realization that I cannot do this- this juggling act that I do all year long, without a break, and without losing my mind. Summers are like a slow release of my tensions that build up over the school year- between school, homework, work, personal issues, parents, and my health. The summer is a chance to shrug off one of those burdens without guilt or repercussions. The only result will be one more fall semester of school, not happy about that, not happy at all, but many other things such as sanity and my overall health have to come in to the decision making process right along with my burning desire to finish.

Surprise.

After some planning, (mostly by, not gonna lie, dawn's mom Linda and Dawn's hubby nick) we were able to pull off a surprise party last night for dawn at Granite City. She was a little surprised at first.

This picture was taken right before she started backing out of the room... for a second her mom and I both thought she was going to go home!Dawn saw this long table completely filled with people she was not expecting (hence surprise).

But she stayed and got presents! We all had dinner (the left-overs of which I will be eating for breakfast), and then headed back to dawn and nick's party room to play games and have some delicious apple crisp that Linda had made.

The birthday girl with what was left of her 30 balloons after Linda gave some away to the little kids at the restaurant who were envious:)

Cupcake Racists!

So I called yesterday to order some cupcakes for a wedding shower/engagement party/housewarming party that we are throwing next weekend right? Right. So, the bakery lady from Festival foods was very helpful and nice, but informed me that they only make white cake cupcakes and chocolate(brown) cake cupcakes. What? Why?

How come they don't make marble cupcakes? Or yellow cake cupcakes, I love yellow cake, but you order cupcakes and they make chocolate and white? Cupcake racists! That's what we have here. Why cant all the cupcake colors just get along and all be allowed in the bakery to play and frolic together in frosting and sprinkle covered bliss.

I mean I can understand the logistical reason for not making marble-too time consuming. But yellow! That is the best cake on earth, why discriminate? If I want a yellow cupcake and am too much of a lazy putz to make it myself I should be able to waltz into a bakery and yoink me some yellow, black, or white cupcakes-whatever I am feelin that day. But no the Cupcake Racists have limited our choices, have chosen for us, have taken the yellow and marble cupcakes away and placed them somewhere never to be heard from again! Why cant all the cupcakes be allowed in the bakery case together, as equals I ask you, to be admired and be eaten together?!

nom nom nom!